Journal #21

What's 9+10?

I've been doing well the past few days. Just exhausted if anything and anxious because of midterms. In typical fashion, every important paper and exam I need to complete has been announced all at once. The only silver lining is that I'm that much closer to wrapping up my second to last semester and in just a few more months I'll be gone. 

On tuesday, I did my best to focus on the paper due for peer workshop today but ended up going out drinking with my boyfriend. I didn't tell him so he wouldn't send me home so early. Besides, I don't need to have it completely done just yet I just need a couple pages to have something for someone to look at. I've grown quite frustrated with how anxious yet unwilling I've become when it comes to homework. Assignments will simply sit as a little pit in my chest before they're hastily strung together words on paper. I suppose it was easier last semester because I had a couple more classes that focused on fictional writing which I'm much much better equipped to handle then research of analysis papers. I can see patterns all I like, but I can't explain them for shit. 

On Friday I've got my stupid thesis class and we'll spend more time looking at poor excuses for stories, I'm sure of it. I just hope one of them will at least have something to say. I'm tired of poor writing with little substance. By all means write how you write, but at least give me something to think about and mentally chew on. 

About a week ago, I had a job interview (I don't remember if I mentioned that here) and I am just hoping I get this part time weekend position. I need money. Anything really will do. I've given up on driving for the mean time, but I hope I can just make some cash to spoil my boyfriend and myself just a bit more. I also need to save for my plane ticket for next summer. I don't wish to spend it here. I would love to go down south and be a part of his life over there, too. I really hope that that's not a lot to ask. That really is rather a lot of time with me and I'd feel dreadful if he brought me along because he felt like he needed to, but I think I'm just worried over nothing. He brings me with him just about everywhere and this would just be sweeter because I wouldn't have to go back to my house. I'm just rambling now.