no sleep 10-22-2024

really not having a great time lately. still feeling sick from the conference last week, feeling blue about some other things, and i cannot sleep right now. the cats have had fleas the last few weeks, my sister was doing a great job while i was out of town working trying to manage it and i think its generally going to be okay - but at night my brain is convinced they're everywhere. i can't even enjoy eevee sleeping in bed with me because when she moves to a different spot i get my flashlight out and look all in the sheets to make sure there are none that fell off. i feel like they're in my ears, i feel like they're in my hair, i feel scratchy and itchy. i convince myself they're all over the place, when really they aren't. its just my delusional night-time dream brain. it's really fucking horrible. i hate pests. along with being sick, being away from my boyfriend, being sad about other shit, and not sleeping because of this, its a little much right now. my brain cannot handle bugs of any kind near the bed or at night. i'm super diligent about keeping them out of the house so i'm just really sad that this has happened and created so much extra work on top of everything else.

work is going okay this week though, so that's nice. once human is also really fun right now with the winter season, trying to decide what style of house to build.