local college student discovers joy

i am so so so horribly obsessed with rdr2!!! thinking about rdr2 makes me both insanely stupidly happy and absolutely heartbroken, anxious, terrified. i'm on the fourth chapter and two characters have already died and i'm so so scared for the next missions T_T i already know some of the people who die later on and a little bit of what happens; i'm so not emotionally prepared for the ending of rdr2

before getting this far in the game, i was thinking about playing the first game but so many of the characters from rdr2 won't be there and i'll be so sad :( i'll miss them so bad bruh

aside from my periodical rdr2 rambles, i feel pretty good about today! i finally clawed out of my mini depressive episode and did everything i needed to do today AND got time to relax ^_^ who knew time management would make my life easier!!!!!!

i made a cute outfit today that looks sort of cowboyish with my own accessory-maximalist flair to it. and it's an outfit with pants! absolutely insane coming from me; i live and breathe in skirts and dresses. but i wanted a more masculine look, and i think i did pretty well :3 it's comprised of:

- a blouse with balloon sleeves that extend to my elbows

- dark brown corduroy pants

- this is hard to describe but it's like... a bohemian vest? it's brown, has little stringy bits at the bottom, and gold stud embellishments. idk what it's called T_T

- brown cowboy boots yeehaw

- thick gold chain belt

- thinner gold chain belt

and i plan to add a bunch of jewelry and stuff when i do go out to wear it! i'm very happy; i've been in a fashion slump for a while, and it's only recently that i've come up with new ways to wear the clothes i have. :3

the outfit i made reminded me of a wishlist of accessories and clothes i'd like to buy someday... the key word being someday, i'm not buying shit for a while LOLZ

but i'd so so love chaps. like those rider chaps that have like a belt around the waist, not the rider chaps that only cover the calves. tbh i just wanna dress like my arthur morgan in rdr2 LMAOAO :p but god chaps are so cool.... i'd love ones with fringes on the sides; it'd make such a cool silhouette. but GOD they are so fucking expensive. decent ones are hundreds of dollars and even a cheap amazon one is at least $75. I'M NOT PAYING THAT KIND OF MONEY RN!!!!! 

i'd also love to get a really cool embroidered faux leather belt :3 with a chunky buckle, too! i'd like a black belt because i have a really cute brown one already. hopefully i find something cool in the thrift store because it's where i got the brown belt. (my fave thrift store to go to though is a 30-40 minute drive from my house though T_T hate this shit)

i am also craving ramen so so bad.......... it's the middle of the night so i'm hungry LOLZZ

but man. i want a good bowl of ramen. i don't know any ramen places near here that sell consistently good ramen; there's one i ate at the most and their ramen are always hit or miss.

or any soup tbh. soup season is here soup season is here (even though it's so fucking hot where i live)!!!

i've had such a complicated relationship with food and even if i still struggle occasionally i love food so much :3 nourishing myself with good food is so fun! wow!

i've especially started liking beans recently, oddly enough LMAOAO i LOVE beans! i love charro beans, i love beans in chili, i love beans in general, i can't get enough of beans

i will dream of good meals tonight......

OH and one more thing before i go finally rest

i normally walk my dogs at night because i don't like talking to the old people in my neighborhood LMAO so i was out tonight at 11pm when i went towards a park near my house and there was so much FOG

i was weirdly excited about this in hindsight but like whatever, i went through the fog and inhaled and it smelled like. albuterol LMAO

it was so weird, it opened such a specific moment in my life. specifically in my early elementary school days where i had bronchitis i think and my mama would come to school every lunch period to eat with me and then go to the nurse to use my nebulizer. those days were so fun; i loved seeing my mom waiting for me.

but yeah! super scrambled entry but i am a very scrambled person u_u this is the most accurate way of portraying myself

good night good morning good afternoon good whatever!