Salt

I've been doing my best to become more active, but I don't know if its the weather or my brain that's not letting me do it as often as I would like. I felt great when I did it the other day. I went biking and then for a walk for my siblings. I felt like I actually accomplished something and for a brief moment felt good about my body. I've also been trying to have more self control when it comes to food. I'm the kind of person that stress eats. Lately Ive been craving sugar like crazy. I already have a few cavities that I need to take care of, but the worms in my monkey brain say sugar=good (I'm actually munching on candy cigarettes as I write this. I'm also holding them between my fingers very flamboyantly.) When I'm not craving sugar I'm craving salty and/or extremely sour things. The salty/sour cravings are more intense than the sugar cravings though. As in I'm not satisfied until my mouth or stomach starts hurting. This brings up questions of whether or not this has some sort of hidden meaning behind it. My backs been super messed up as well. I look like a human shrimp. It sucks because even though I'm very much aware of all these things, they happen nonetheless. I should probably get one of those shock collars that shocks you every time you give into your bad habits. One thing that's somewhat positive (depending on your perspective) is that I've been more vocal about my feelings and how certain people, things, and situations make me feel. I've found myself somewhat regretting it, but it is what it is. A lot of things I've said have been things I've been keeping pent up for years. I don't like being vulnerable in front of people, which I know seems ironic considering how many details I've written in these blogs/journal entries I've been posting on here. I don't mind writing stuff like this on here because I know it won't be read. Worse case scenario, these musings will only be read by the curious strangers of the internet. No consequences.

Anyway, I've been practicing/playing my ukulele a lot more. I've even regained my calluses. I've also posted a video of my singing/playing Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order (My favorite song of all time) on my Instagram story a few days ago.

Songs I was listening to when I wrote this:

La Mer- Nine Inch Nails

Public Pervert- Interpol