venting - tw

hello internet.

today I'm venting about how i feel like I'm losing my mind.

okay so for, actually i dont know how long because i can't perceive time properly, a while now I've been disassociated and progressively more and more suicidal

I've felt very violent towards myself and my intrusive thoughts grow every day. this has made me realize that i either need to try medication again or i need to go into a sort of program. 

I'm so incredibly scared of everything right now and my paranoia is ridiculous. it's incredibly hard because I've recently started a new job and it adds to my daily stress, however having no money also adds to that stress. 

i keep feeling like a fuck up of a person and honestly like I'm not even a person. my mind has been stuck in fiction and i don't know when I'll get out of it.

anyways I'm tired and I'm going to try to talk to a professional about all of this, i just needed to yap somewhere.

thank you lads.