ketamine instead of mushrooms

 A couple days ago when I was with my friend I had made a plan with him to do mushrooms. I wanted to do this with him despite my current mental state, despite how full of misery and anxiety I've been, and despite the fact that I've never even done mushrooms before. I didn't care if it would've given me a bad time, I just wanted it, I just wanted the answers that maybe doing something like this with my oldest friend would've given me. Most of the time I feel like I never have the answers to the questions that I need to know the most, like how to be happy or what I should do with my life, and going into this I just had the hope that maybe a fungus of all fucking things could help me figure that out.

 But in the end we didn't end up doing the mushrooms, we both sort of had the money for it but we just didn't end up getting them. What we ended up doing instead was one large line of ketamine each, it was the only thing besides weed and anxiety pills that my friend had and being the kind soul that he is he divided up the little he had left and shared it with me. Beggars can't be choosers I suppose, I had really wanted those mushrooms and I still really do but this had to suffice for the time being. I hadn't done k in quite some time before this, from what I remembered it usually feels like a horse tranquilizer so I had to be ready for having difficulty moving. And after I did the line it felt almost exactly like how I remembered it, only just much harsher. But in the end I feel that the k at least gave me the answers I needed for the moment, its ok to snuff out your a brain for a bit with someone you care about, and it can be quite therapeutic.