Woah

I really should take a break 

from everything 

it kinda sucks though. 

I had a dream the other day.

Dreams don't mean anything. They mean nothing 

but damn, i really saw a part of myself there, didn't i?

i know it's not like I'm gonna do that

dreams aren't real

they stay dreams

and you wake up. 

I really should just take a break. I'm telling myself this for the hundredth time, probably.

I should just rest. and forget about it. and remember to be real again. 

Be 'real.' In the moment, be aware of everything around you.

At the same time, I think I'm becoming way too hypervigilant im a way. 

My soul almost left my body when a plastic bag fell over in the middle of the night.

Being too awake is becoming a problem too. 

But I'd rather be too awake and aware than unaware.

It's stupid, I know. Stressing out over this. 

but i guess i just have to accept that, everyone has different experiences, and some things are more difficult for me. So it's not actually that stupid that I'm struggling over something as simple as this. 

Just stupid that I care so much.

Well, why wouldn't I care? I don't wanna do something I don't actually wanna do. 

I don't wanna do something stupid again. 

I don't wanna do things I'll end up regretting.

So for now, I guess, being on my tippie toes all the time is way better than staring off into space and suddenly snapping back but now everything around you is a mess and you think "how the fuck did i get here?"

Yeah. I do have dreams I'd rather not. but it is what it is. At least now, i can tell when I'm awake. 

i really do hope i am able to tell. 

Anyway, life is better, and i don't think I'll do anything as stupid again.