loser shit 10/17/24

It's 2 am right now, I don't know how to write these or even have good grammar skills but might use it sometimes when I'm not journaling. still, no songs written that arent that punk riot grrrl lyrics shit I wrote a year ago for the band that broke up. I miss all my friends and how things used to be but it's my fault. all I seem to do is hate school, try my best to ignore Jasper, go home, do therapy or some extra bullshit and when I don't I'm just doing anything stupid. I want cigarettes, I want weed, I want beer, I want a razor, I want to feel better and be okay, I want love like real love who cares about me how Jasper did, I want comfort, I want care, I want Jasper, I want to be 18. I don't want to deal with life but the easy way out leaves me the same empty forgotten person I am. holy shit that's emo. I'm trying my best to just wait things out seek comfort in Wilbur soot songs and survive still summer again and again, over and over and over and over and over I fuck myself over. i hate life