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Last night was the Kolohe Kai concert at Anaheim House of Blues. This was the 1st concert I went to in more than 2 yrs. and it was nice. We ran into some familiar faces...some once not too friendly before hahaha but mostly all vibes. I ran into one of my old neighbors there and some family friends. I even got to hang out with my cousins and a friend I hardly see again.
Concerts are one of the things that make life better for me...that and traveling. I get to meet new friends and have culture in common. Yesterday was hella packed inside though. The fire alarm even went off so the set got cut during Ehu girl and they couldn't perform Cool Down. Idk if it was from all that smoke inside or if someone pulled the fire alarm but we had to leave.
I also realized that when it hit 9 p.m. I was done. I'm not used to standing for long periods of time since I've been WFH and this morning I even woke up with back pain. Now I know why grown ups prefer matinees. I didn't get home 'til 2 a.m. today and yea man I was tired.
The crowd had a variety of ppl-- younger kids who didn't know any throwback 90s songs, ppl around my age, and then the ones behind us were the most fun-- the parents in their late 40s and early 50s dancing full on routines. That was fun to be around...to see them just enjoying life. That gives me hope.
During one point of the song Roman sings "Round and Around" and yea that hit different. Idk if he got emotional but the vibe was more somber in the venue because we all probably felt some kinda funk within the last 2 yrs or even on a longer scale. I'm still getting there. I gotta stick around with no expectations but to kinda just live it up at this point. I've learned to feel through the emotions without shaming myself for feeling the way I do.
I caught myself scanning the room hoping to see someone in particular but it's numbing to feel something so illogical for someone so absent in my life. I can't feel bad about it and I refuse to tell anybody at this point because they've always shamed me tremendously for it. I wish I could explain it but I just fucking can't. It's like my soul is tied to this person and it misses tf outta em even when I've tried moving forward. It's like my feet are buried in quicksand and the harder I fight to get out, the deeper I go. It's suffocating when I think of them so I try not to. It's not like I can choose to. It's like a fact that I can't deny, am aware of and won't go away. It's like the ocean. It's there. It's gonna be there and I can't deny that this body of water doesn't exist. I can go to the mountain and forget the ocean exists for a bit but all water ends up back there.
Damn and water is my element. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. So in crowded rooms and even when I'm in different countries, I think of you. I shouldn't be but I do.
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