Talking Loudly as a Quiet Person

    Sorry, gamers, this is a longer piece that isn't necessarily funny but story time: I've been thinking about the first time that I was consciously socializing outwardly/openly as someone who historically keeps to themselves and how liberating that experience felt.

    Maybe it might inspire one of y'all to further appreciate the friends you have.

    This was about a year or two ago, and I was getting dinner with a friend who I rarely see. I had known them for a little over a year at the time and this was probably the first or second time that I was seeing them in-person (we met online through a mutual friend). When we met up, our interaction was the same as any other: a little awkward for meeting in-person, but also characterized by a jovial nature due to our already established online friendship and personalities -- nothin' like meeting in-person with an online friend, heh.

    Things changed when we settled down in the restaurant we planned to eat dinner in. It was a small Korean restaurant where the largest distance from one table to the next must be a full arm's length, or even shorter. My friend and I were seated in one of the corners of the room with a small rectangular table that I could reach over and rest my hand on their shoulder.

    Once we started talking, we didn't stop. However, the main thing I could not stop noticing was the volume of my voice. For context, in public, I speak relatively softly and often slur my words. In fact, more often than not I'm asked to repeat what I said either because of how quiet I am or how badly I enunciate my words. Additionally, I have a detachment from speaking in loud environments, so sometimes I just pretend to speak, letting my "voice" be drowned by the sounds of the area. It's discouraging to try to speak at my normal speaking voice when I know I won't be heard, so I don't put effort into speaking at all until the conditions are better (the louder an environment is, the quieter I get -- the exception being singing). Because of this, I've been made aware that the way that I speak isn't the easiest thing to experience/deal with.

    Nevertheless, this dinner with my friend subverted all previous notions of my character. I felt free. It was a busy night at that restaurant and all tables were filled. It was loud, and I was loud. And, I knew I was loud, and I knew I could be heard by my friend but also probably by the tables around me, and I didn't care! We chatted and gossiped about the things and people in our lives (I probably talked about my evil apartment-mate (SHE WAS EVIL AND RUDE AND MEAN AND SELFISH)) and I didn't feel like I had to filter myself for the sake of the people around me. I didn't care about whether I was being annoying or too loud. I was just comfortable and excited to share stories with my friend.

    It's like when you're with your parents in public and they meet up with one of their friends and they start talking super loudly and you get embarrassed type of volume. Or when they talk on the phone with relatives on speaker and reply super loudly back even though the phone is less than an inch away from their face.

    I could, like, feel the endorphins being released in my brain. It's one of the few times I've consciously felt joy. I don't even remember any other time (maybe because I don't write about it). I was just super comfortable with this person.

    I have not felt this way again since. I socialize how I normally do, and while I still enjoy hanging out and socializing with my friends, my dinner with that friend continues to stand out because of how present and existing I felt that day, in those moments. Often, I feel like I'm in some dreamy state, having incredible difficult being present and remembering things, but that's a conversation for another time.

    Hope this was fun to read in your free time, if you needed something to pass the time for like 2-3 minutes (idk i read slow this would take me like 5 minutes to run through if i want to comprehend what i read).