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these days I've been reading and thinking a lot about love. it's not like I didn't do it before, i love reading about psychology and why do people do what they do, and after all, love it's something so natural that it's hard not to get into it, and with good reason because what are we without love?
i read somewhere that love gets redefined every time someone tries to explain it. love is very unknown. at least to me. it can be expressed through so many things, and so many things can express love that's hard to really come down to a conclusion. is it love logical? does it obey any reasoning? can it be broken down into a single set of steps?
is it mystical? where did it originate from? can it be put into words? are we helpless to it?
love, what is love?
i don't know if I'll ever understand it, let alone understand what real love is, that seems to be a whole different story...
where do you learn to love?
where
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Xavier
Depends on which type of love. That will get you different answers. I think as we get older we learn how to differentiate from infatuation/attachment and actual love. At least I did in my case.
Speaking as someone who went from having no friends, to being part of a large social circle with its own drama, etc. I am now happily married.
Real love is more boring than what people think. It's just a matter of coexisting with someone else.
thank you for responding!
i guess it makes sense what you say, because speaking of my self i haven't had the chance to experience that. to get to co exist with someone. although that brings me another question: was there a moment when you felt it all started to become boring? when you lost that "spark" with someone? is it something you have to actively work for? sorry that was more than one question
by drzks124; ; Report
All good.
I grew up into a dysfunctional childhood. One of the side effects from that was codependency in my personal relationships. It made all the lows and highs extreme. I grew accustomed to high intensity emotions and drama and betrayal etc.
A couple years into dating my wife, I had to grapple with the fact that a healthy relationship maintains its own equilibrium. I was bringing so much adrenaline into my relationship but I had nothing to do with it. It's an adjustment for sure, but a good one; a learning experience.
If I have any advice to give, it would be that working on yourself comes first before anything else. You need to have a strong foundation of yourself to build a relationship on top of. That isn't to say you need to be faultless or perfect; just self-aware, and a little self-moderating. One of the biggest lessons I've had was that the coping mechanisms, modes of thinking, etc, from when I was alone had to change once I got a partner. How we treat ourselves is reflected in our relationships. To have a healthy relationship with another person, it is preferable to have a healthy relationship with yourself.
by Xavier; ; Report
thank you for taking your time to comment. i appreciate it.
i guess none of us really had a perfect childhood and thus the different traumas and ways to deal with things that we have. these days i learnt that I have a disorganized attachment style and that's why even though having a connection with someone its something that I yearn the most, I end up sabotaging it myself by making me thing its gonna end anyways or that ill never be good enough. reading you've gone through something similar gives me hope though, and I hope i can have the strength to do it myself. to be able to change and get better. thank you for the advice, i appreciate a lot
by drzks124; ; Report
No problem! I'm glad my rambling could be of help to someone. I'm sure you'll get to where you want to be!! :)
I was incredibly suicidal, depressed etc as a kid. I had a history of self harm and all sorts. I never thought then I could become the kind of person I am today. Whenever I get down on myself, I try to think of what younger me would think of me. And I would have thought I'm pretty fucking cool!
You can't comprehend the type of person you will become and the things you'll be able to accomplish. Keep your chin up :)
by Xavier; ; Report