I'm so glad I'm out of this (I'm so sorry)

memory of the death of hope

this time, one cycle

back to a ghost in solitude

always feeding then retreating 

bury this in shallow meaning

take and take and then accuse 

your hollow actions all a ruse

you're bludgeoned with the truth you seek 

not good enough so fucking weak

so change your face and change your stance 

won't change the fact that you're a fucking

skinwalker

burning out

giving in

no soul

no heart

never should have left you

promised words fade 

in october's bitter whisper

a special kind of PAIN

deepening the blisters

the nightmares have become

so rapid and intense

biological tripwire defense

promised words fade

I like this version of the song much more, as it emphasizes the tragedy of betrayal. The original version sort of.. doesn't get it through and sounds like more of anger. 

The title comes from something I found while looking through its audio file. I'm surprised it was so well hidden. It says the first part only two times while repeating "I'm so sorry" dozens of times throughout the rest of the song. I think that's how I feel. It is a special kind of pain; that's why I italicized it. He makes it sound like he's straining and crying while singing that word, and I love it. She would probably describe it as visceral.

That's something I love about her. She tries to find the emotion and meaning of words. I think I got that from her? I'm not sure. I still think about how I basically grew up with her, yet I felt so far apart. I feel as if a part of me belongs to her, but that it has been tested and tried.

I don't know what to do with this part of me. I think about that one time where she laid on my lap and we talked, knowing that, although things were changing, we understood each other so well in that moment. She knew me there. Fully. And she loved me.

Am I the skinwalker?