idk i feel like such a loser

i feel like such a loser for not being able to just...eat. 

I mean, there's food and all, but recently my family's been eating stuff that I don't like eating and it's literally everywhere.

Not everywhere literally, but like it's in all the main food places.

And the thing is, I do not think they understand my very genuine revulsion with some foods. Like, it's something I'm really sensitive with.

The thing is i told them like "I'm not gonna die if someone eats smth i don't like in front of me, it's ok"

But now like. Yeah. I mean, it's probably my fault, I should be able to eat because there are other foods. but like. I don't even wanna go out at all. 

I might just be too picky or something idk. I am very specific about certain things and that's a fault of mine.

When faced with the types of foods i dislike , i WILL not be able to eat, the food in my mouth feels weird and becomes hard to swallow, I won't stop gagging, I will physically get a stomachache. It's not a good time for me.

It's not that I'm not grateful for having food. I am. It's that I just. Am unable to be with certain foods. 

It really really is not something I like, and I don't care if others like it. I just don't want it to be too near where I'm eating, or where the food I wanna grab is. 

And I'm not unopen to trying new foods. I try a lot to try new foods. Like, not everything that way is something I hate. Like, yeah, I really really hate the feel of tomatoes but after cutting them into small cubes it tastes much better.

It's mostly the feel tbh. A reason why I practically dice a lot of things I eat. Especially if it's something I don't really know if I like. A lot of foods, I don't actually mind the taste, but I seriously hate the texture of it. But with those types of foods it's more okay, because a lot of the time texture is something that can be fixed.

At the time of writing this, I realised that I can just get my food, then bring it somewhere else. 

cool. 

I'm gonna go do that now.