"In every universe... ohemgee"

I've laid here today thinking of how much I have missed because of how ungrateful I've been. I made her a promise that I would be honest with her from now on, and I think this is a good place where I can do just that.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on which part of me you're asking), she hasn't found out that I'm using spacehey again. I feel like it gives me a little pocket of that universe still, where I can float around through memories and give myself a chance to live through them again. Honestly? It hurts. I have found myself crying more frequently. I had so many chances to turn back, and she begged me to, but I was just too scared. I also think the blood in my eyes blinded me from the pink of her love, if you know what I mean.

Hah, it feels so weird. I was sixteen when I first fell in love with her, and now I'm twenty-one. I basically grew up with her. Maybe that's part of why she lives rent-free in my head. I am terrified of her because she makes me look at myself. I don't think I was ever strong enough to look at myself. I don't think I'll ever be.

I sure hope the little versions of me in every other universe are doing better, as well as the little versions of her. God, what I would give...