Entry #48

guy i like likes me back. yet we cannot be together since he has trust issues from his stupid ass ex and he wants to try dating this other girl since him and i are long distance. though he wrote this whole thing for me that was intended to be an apology, though slowly turned into a love confession. my heart tears apart as i read it every day because it means so much to me that he even has any sort of romantic feelings towards me, but the way he talks about himself makes me so fucking upset, i just want him to see himself the way i see him. "you're so precious and full of love, though you might not think it, i can see it radiating in you everyday. and thats why i dont want to take it away from you." god i just want to fucking hold him close and never let go. he hurts me so bad but it feels so good. "and for the longest time it was a 'i think' i like him. i didnt want you to be someones 'i think.' i wanted whoever that person is to KNOW they loved you. except, the thing is, i know i love you. im sure of it now." fucking kill meplease. hes such a fucking sweetheart and im so greedy that i feel as if i have somehow manipulated him into liking me, or made him feel bad for letting me down that he feels like he has to be with me to make up for it. g god he just i dont even know. i just want to distract myself by burying my face in his hair while whispering affirmations as i stroke his back while hugging him. hes so fucking aggahasghahgaggggggggaaaaaaa i need him. its not a want. its a need. 


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