Journal #8

Having an itch at the back of your throat at school is the equivalent of being stripped of skin and doused in lemon juice. You either must face embarassment by coughing or twisting your face to do a pitiful job of hiding it. 

Yesterday, my mother found a kitten crossing the fourway intersection down by the hotel me and him booked a room at earlier this year. It can't be any more than six weeks old and hasn't grown used to being fed or held or able to use a cat litter box. It doesn't shy away from touch as street cats usually do, instead it looks up with frightened brown eyes as my hand descends upon him. My sister's taken it in and named him Expresso despite the poor little thing's exhausted nature. But I hope he'll become comfy enough to search for her in a room some day like my little old kitty does. 

I should be much more careful with the sorts of things I manifest into this world. My desire to "get a mouse someday" cultivated into a three pack of cheap catnip mice for the little surprise and my initial desire to name him "Roach" led one to spring from my curtains this morning and land in the spot me and him got cozy on last night. So I took it as a sign to deep clean my room as best I could while the dogs helped themselves to the medicated cat food I left out. 

Going to the gym has been incredibly fun and while my pass expired today, my friend's gonna get the buddy one so we can keep going together. I feel guilty by not paying my half, but my mother says I need to learn how to receive things as well as give them or I'll make the other person feel bad so here's the only evidence of my guilt. 

Blah blah blah the club at my school. I haven't heard from the president all day today so I've no idea what part of the process we're at and I hope she doesn't wait til tomorrow night to say something because I plan on getting drunk in a Gir costume and passing out in his car again. I miss  him so, but maybe we'll go back to the gym today with the pass? I don't know of the buddy thing's a part of it yet so I suppose we'll both have to see. I miss Expresso, too now that I'm at it, but he's waiting for me to babysit him at home so it won't be much longer.

My permit expires like next week and I'm just thinking of quitting driving for good. But I can't. There are so many dates I want to treat him to and I need to drive to do that. I feel so stupid being so old without it it's just another incapability to add to the rest of the pile I've acrude. I've probably sunk in Expresso's vet bills with how many times I've needed to retake the damn thing and my parents aren't the type to let me drive ten minutes away without a license because they think that's the only chance I've got at offing myself. That's probably the case, but I hate proving them right. 

My shitty little bluetooth keyboard is fucking up my wrist so I'll end off here.