stupid stupid boy

see i need you to just stop looking at me and i never want to see you again because when you're in the room i can't stop fucking LOOKING AT YOU and sneaking and you're always looking back because you drive me crazy and think it's funny to look at me like you've never been happy until you saw my face.

fuck you.

i wish that you would just tell me what's going on inside your head.

i want you to call me beautiful 

and just call me.

you have all my information!!! you don't choose to use it

it's a waste of time

you're a waste of time. 

and you were so mean to me the last two days. making fun of my laugh... it feels like you hate the sound of it because you're not the one making me laugh. do you mean to push me away? there's nothing more i would like to do than just run and go. 

but i caaaaaaan't. i need to see who you are. because my head rushes when I'm away from you with all the things that you could be. i hope that doesn't mean I'm putting you on a pedestal. because I'm not. i don't think i am. like i clearly see your flaws and it's not like i like you more for them. i don't even know if i like you still or if i just like that you give me attention.

i asked if we could work on our scene together. you said yes. you seem to fucking impulsively agree to everything i suggest without even realizing that you're digging yourself into a hole. so I'm offering you a ladder out. i knewwwwww!!!!! that you wouldn't do anything to try and meet up with me to run lines today. as much as i was praying you would grow a pair of fucking balls and try and Work with me here. have a great fucking birthday without me you asshole pig. I'm sorry i called you that. I'm just really sad that I'm torn up over a boy who never gave me anything but a scene partner and looks and smiles.