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Category: Life

Entry #46

on call with the guy i like right now, but my friend is sleeping behind me. best friend if you still even read these mason. i was streaming yttd and he fell asleep, been grinding it all night and i just wanna fucking shoot myself over this stupid game. anyway, woke up mad as hell today because one of my friends (guy who ghosted us for his gf) texted me being all like "can you make a discord server with all of us in it, *other friend* wont make it because he doesnt want to manage it" or something like that and im like ???? first of all why would we even make a new server if we already have one that we can just add the friend to? and second of all, how come my other friend cant manage the server if he does it every time and literally all of us would be admin so he wouldnt even have to fucking do anything, its just so confusing and annoying to me. then i text him being like im gonna fucking shoot myself, and he goes "nevermind we're just gonna use instagram gc and do zoom calls instead" ????? major what the fuck moment because theyre both the reason we even started using discord again in the first place, so why are we going back to instagram out of nowhere? and second of all, zoom calls? are you fucking kidding me, zoom calls? like fucking hell im ever joining one, theyre actually fucking stupid if they think im gonna do that shit. we have discord that can do both the things instagram and zoom can do, so why not just use fucking discord? its so confusing and its making me frustrated all over again thinking about it. then the guy i like was texting the friend that ghosted us, and the friend was like "imy" and my crush said "imy2 lets play tmr" and then the friend was like "why not 2day" and my crush doesnt respond for like an hour or so since he was practicing his guitar while on call with me and then he texts the friend back saying "sry i thought i responded i was practicing" and then this motherfucker goes "IN VC WITH ROLLAND" how about i fucking shoot myself in the head and have all my blood and brains splatter on your face and a chunk gets in your fucking mouth and you have to live with the fact youve tasted my brain motherfucker. this whole fucking thing makes me mad. and the guy i like has really only been talking to me sine hes been busy recently with school and practice and stuff and hes explained that multiple times and he explains it again and my friend goes "ok" ???????????? WHAT THE HELL. like whatever bro. but other than that ive been pretty happy. i cut my hair yesterday, and the guy i like has been kind of showing me subtle signs of liking me too but i dont want to assume anything because its not really that like direct yet but today we were talking and he was watching arcane or something earlier and he sends me this guy and was like "hes just my type" and i kind of got emo as fuck because i looked nothing like the guy besides the fact we both have an anorexic ass face but thats that. and show i jokingly said "my type is WOMEN" and he was like "im gonna fucking kill myself" and i was like aghghhsaghss do you want my type to be you,.,s,,..,., AHHHH and he reposted something on tiktok being like "youre my favorite friend, im sorry that i love you" or something like that and like im secretly hoping that its about me???? since i dont really know who else itd be about since he never talks about his attractions to anyone as in actual crushes and stuff, but its cool. i am slowly becoming filled with ecstasy more and more as the days go by, yet the dread manages to overweigh it.


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