Thoughts on the past.

I think it's clear to me and many people around me that things aren't quite what they have seemed to be. I used to think a lot about the Mandela effects that happen over the years and how over time information on a global scale seemingly is replaced and changes just like that. I have so many memories of things that are inconclusive, so different than what other people remember. I used to try and say that it's just because I had a wild imagination as a child, but these memories are so vivid, so elegant and concise in their playing out that I shudder to think I was capable of making things up like that. Don't get me wrong, I think the human brain is capable of doing many things, and has a lot of potential for performing tasks that sometimes seem supernatural. 

Around 2017-19 is when things started to get really weird. I remember walking into a store one day as a young girl and the music, down to the colors of my surroundings were completely different, like I had walked into an alternate universe. you know how people say when your frontal lobe fully develops life suddenly changes? like you're fully awake? That's what I experienced then, and I must've been 10 at that time. I was in so much shock at this sudden change that I had stood still in a daze and my mom had to drag me by the arm towards the door because I had not been listening. we got into the car and drove off like it was nothing. I was meant to just ignore this. 

This was in Oregon as well when I began to experience a shift in every part of my life. I believe this was also the year my episodes began to stop. let me explain what my episodes were. from as young as I can remember, I would experience these really odd dreams of nothingness, either a void or a light that overwhelmed my senses. then over time this really high pitched frequency would begin to rise, louder and louder, taking over my whole body and assaulting every sense till i'd wake up sweating, feeling totally feverish. very funny as well because whenever I actually try to think about this, about any of this, I suddenly begin to dissociate and forget most of what I knew was true, most of what I even remembered. I dont know if I'll do a good job at ever putting down on paper or on the internet about what these things and happenings have been like for me. I fail to explain in depth what I actually feel, and what I felt then.