dream journal 1

Okay, so I want to share with you all a dream that I had yesterday, which might be a warning/ a sign for me.

So the dream started when I was at my house with two girls and one day, the two girls were my classmates and they're really nice but the guy isn't. idk what it is about him but I just don't like him, we used to be in some kind of thing back in mid-2023 but not really serious because I didn't really want to. he's not really good looking and he's kinda weird idk he's not like someone I'd look at and say "omg he's so hot and I want him"

we all were in the living room and we listened to music and at some point, the girls kinda disappeared and didn't really take part in the dream, we sat together really close to each other and he put his hand around me, I didn't care because usually irl I don't take physical touch so special, it kinda grosses me out since I know who I'm talking about KNOWING HES A LITERAL MOUSE,,,

and he told me something like "I'm waiting for you in the bedroom" First of all, ew, second of all ewwww, from all the 7 billion people in the world him??? Hell no. 

So like he waited and waited and waited but I didn't come, of course, also irl if this was a situation I wouldn't come since I STILL WANT TO BE A VIRGIN, IM JUST 16 IM NOT A WHORE!!!! After he understood I wouldn't come he like went out and didn't say a word, like excuse me? Where is "goodbye"? Or at least say something before you go you ugly ass.

Maybe this is a sign for me to open my eyes when guys are trying to have nothing but sex, sometimes it is obvious but sometimes it is really a surprise. maybe it is also a feeling that I feel like guys also talk to me only because of my appearance and try to idk, the only guy I think isn't like that is someone I KNOW FOR SURE we will not be together, for many reasons but mostly because he's a literal nerd and lives so far away. but the other guys I talk/ed to were this way. maybe I'm fucked up in my mind or the world is just this way when it comes to guys in this generation I think I know the answer.

idk what I want yet but I'm sure I do not want to lose my virginity at 16, also I still don't know what kind of relationship I want or what kind of person I need,

I FEEL LIKE IM IN "500 DAYS OF SUMMER" BUT IDK WHICH CHARACTER I AM