Entry #45

hi i just got a new keyboard, it's really pretty. so im sorry if i have a few typos since im struggling a little bit with the keycaps. though ive been having even more pain, i am thinking about getting all my wisdom teeth removed at once on the 8th since i have to remove them all at some point anyway.  been getting even closer with the guy i like and i feel as if i can make it work. though maybe im just being delusional, i really do believe i have hope for us being together at some point, even if its not soon. i really enjoy spending time with him and i hope the feeling is mutual. i could go on and on about him for days and still not be bored, he just makes me so happy. i get kind of embarrassed though because i feel like i like him too much and that its creepy, but i dont know. i dont remember the last time i had ever felt this way about anybody. became friends with the guy that left us for his girlfriend again, not by my choice by the fucking way. i thought we were all gonna fucking stop being friends with him, but everyone immediately went back and now im fucking confused on how i should treat him and its making me even more stressed out. it sometimes just feels liike i have no control over what is going to happen with us and it makes me so fucking annoyed because why do i not have a say in anything? but whatever, i will get over it. this world is trying to fucking make me seem like im the one that should die. and i want to.