Back to 0 again

Today, I saw that sharp object and felt a sense of wanting to feel it again, I stopped myself because for no reason? There’s 70% I’ll do this so Goodluck to me. It’s been.. almost a year the last time I did this, I should’ve know what I was getting myself into. I’m listening to happy songs but this shit doesn’t help at all. Day was rough, woke up from a cry, thought I could be happy from the event, felt a chest pain, Rejected. There she goes again. Might need to wear a jacket for a while. Who would want me for being like this? A curse indeed.