thoughts.... and intoduction. bad luck with girls

     I just found this website, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do on it though. i looked at a few of the categories so i figure i could use that as a starting point. im Ryder but ill just go by r, I'm 17 and a senior in high school. I'm not looking for any meaningful connections on here (im talking to the weirdos specifically) it honestly just something to do. my profile tells pretty much everything about me though. I've got a few friends at school, I don't know if there actually my friends, they most likely are though. I'm pretty smart but a few "disabilities"(actual superpower if you do research) kind of make it hard to do things right, basically all of its blamed on add. other than that i don't have much to say about myself.

      I'm not alone but i do sometimes feel lonely. one other thing i don't think I'm that ugly but women just don't really talk to me (not that i talk to them often either) there is one girl though, this is probably creepy or weird in some way i dont know how but that usually how it is. i haven't talked to this girl in person, i never get the chance to. but I've talked on Instagram with her. i just kind of feel like i did something wrong because she doesn't really talk to me much anymore. Shes really pretty though so I'm kind of just hoping Shes busy with school. (delusional am i right).

      I kind of have a habit of fumbling girls or maybe it's just my type idk. the first girl in high school I asked out, dated me for a week. I took her to the movies, and she broke up to slide into my friends dm's. I laughed at her and said ok then. she ruined my very strong chance with the next girl I talked to. this second girl and i were talking for around a week or more and i could tell she liked me, but the movie girl was apparently friends with her and she said some nasty crap about me to the girl i was talking to she kind of ghosted me Shes dating another one of my freinds which sounds funny now lol. he's cool though.

      then i had a girl my 10th grade year, she was funny and cute. light brown hair and green eyes. i was in a class with her it was a construction class so not just sitting in a class room. she joined a bit late and i was slow to greet her. im kind of shy i guess. but i eventually made a bullshit excuse to get her Snapchat and talked more comfortably there. the year went on and she grew more into the friends she made before me, but we still flirted a bit. towards the end of the year I had asked her out, but she declined because she just wasn't ready for a relation ship (not just a soft let down). we kept taking still flirting and stuff i got a few butt pics just in like spandex boxers nothing bad lol. a few days later she called me handsome and said she liked me a lot, but.. she was gay or bi I kind of forget. she told me she was dating a girl and that she was sorry for letting me down. not that i was let down just kind of sad. i talked with her a bit over the summer then prolly cause i still flirted a bit and her girlfriend didn't like it or i said something weird.

      that same year kind of like towards the end more when we weren't talking there was a blonde elf ear girl I was talking too, she was pretty that was it i talked to her for a bit she told me cut my hair i id prefer not to. then i introduced her to my friend and there still dating. she was unintentionally  a bounce back girl. i didnt even date her though lmao.

     the next girl.... actually i don't think there was a next girl i think there's just the one I'm talking to now. maybe a few talked for a hour and never again but,  this one is the only one I'm seriously trying to date but I'm kinda just wanting to give up on dating her. she just doesn't seem to like me anymore lol. just talking to me to be kind or something.

     i really try my hardest to not come off as a creep cause I'm not, i just cant look people in the eyes if i like them so i look down which is a terrible idea btw. i mean its intentional sometime but its like damn. and I really like girls with pretty eyes, maybe that's why I'm scared to look at there eyes lol. 

i hope someone finds joy reading this, thank you for your time.

sincerely, r. 

 p.s; I know shitty grammar i try my best, I'm just dyslexic so its kind of hard