traffic

in a car going home, the gentle motions rock me back and forth, warm city air blows in. i haven’t eaten in a day and a half. i tried to eat a bagel and it didn’t work. i tried eating soup and it didn’t work. i realize how tired i am after being outside for just an hour. last night i tried to sleep but it didn’t work either; the sorrow had its own motion. this must be what it’s like to die very slowly. last night an angel on the train platform consoled me. that’s how it is, she said. it’s all part of growing up, she said. it will get better, she said. this morning i went to the post office and crossed my fingers. but it might not matter. westbound over the highway, manhattan in the near distance. can you hear me out there? will it be alright out there? i ask the universe but there isn’t much of a response is there. it’s okay. i forgive it. i forgive everything in my life because there’s no reason to be mad. i just feel. i can’t help but feel. it’s all i can do. this winter is going to be so long. there’s a sign in the sky saying india mike india sierra sierra yankee oscar uniform. this is romeo 1 to romeo 2. did you throw a party without me? was there confetti? did everyone cheer and clap? i look to my right and see people working out in their luxury gyms in their luxury apartment complexes. we were the high tide when the waves crashed down. all i can say is that i hope there is still joy.