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"I don't know how to start this shit." - NaS
I've been wanting to write here more. Not write about any particular thing or any how or why or anything like that. I've been doing a little of it in my bulletins but not as much as i'd like. I think i was kind of caught up on what i "should be writing", but per some advice i stumbled onto today i think i should think about Should less (lol.) [Sidebar: glomming onto the first random piece of advice i find that "feels applicable" is a very Me thing to do, but oh well.]
so here are some blogging thoughts about Blogging and Thoughts
- This feels nicer than screaming into the void on twitter because if i don't get any interaxions here I can just tell myself it's bc this site doesn't have that many people so I feel less bad about it.
- [Sidebar: why do we spell it "interactions", it should be "interaxions." every word with that weird interfixual -acti- construction should have an X instead, what good is the damn letter, we barely use it]
- i cannot help but feel that even tho i am trying to write 'naturally' I am still affecting something. maybe i have been affecting my entire life to such a degree that i don't know how to stop anymore. Maybe my habit of affectation is "the real me"
- i have spent a lot of time tonight looking at "new retro web" pages from sites like href.cool and yesterweb. There are a shocking amount of people out there who seem to do what i'm doing now but do it like, basically all the time, and as part of some huge meta-conceptual project i don't really understand. see this guy's personal wiki, for example
- i am used to trying to convey my thoughts in a "professional" / clean manner quite unlike this. i own a blog which is also the only source of my income so i try to make it look readable / easy to look at. i think at some point this infected my sense of self-worth and now i feel like i have to write like that all the time. I do like writing pretty things that people find worthwhile but honestly in practice i rarely get comments. i only make any money off the dam thing because i have a handful of recurring donators
- [Sidebar: related to the above i hope SOMEONE responds to this or i will feel deeply foolish. then again, i'm very insecure, so I probably will feel that way anyway.]
- this has probably gotten too long for a numbered list format
I have other stuff on the brain but if i let myself ramble LITERALLY endlessly i will never actually hit Publish, and one of the things i'm trying to do with this is just to let myself stop typing when i feel like i should. [The old carpal tunnal-in-progress doesn't thank me for doing this on top of my work blogging, at any rate. Don't get old, kids!! Said the 27 year old.]
as a final thought, here's a dumb little art project i did tonight. have y'all heard of Inscryption? No? Well look it up. it's a deckbuilding game / horror ARG video game thing. it's real good. The pertinent bit is that it inspired me to make these, which look like trading cards from a trading card game but are in fact just random little objects d'art i made because i felt like doing so. Even drew the art (" " art " ") myself. Why did I do this? Because i wanted to. I'm trying to be more okay with doing things for that reason.
enjoy the lovely.
PS: it is way too muggy in my room for this time of year. it's fukken november, yo
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