A dim light

I changed. I wasn't always this pathetic, nor was I this anxious. I used to be bold and determined. I had my mind set on every goal I wanted, and I was so close to reaching it and feeling accomplished. So why did I fall at the very end? 

To be fair, I was like this before all of this happened. I was scared, I stayed coddled in my room as much as possible. My memory is foggy in this stage, but I became more confident. My eyes were wide open as the truth was standing in front of me. I reached out to grasp it and cherish it, yet I was pulled back after I was an inch away from it. It wasn't a quick one, I was slowly detoriating as if I was in a sick game of torture and they wanted to see my reaction to everything and analyse it carefully. 

No one to blame except me. I'm left in my own space, a void with nothing nearby me. I realize how worthless I am. I've ventured too far, and I struggle with the thought of returning to what once was, a shining light. I'm now one who can barely do anything now. My own anxiety and fear stressed those who I truly cared about. I'm guilty, this time I cut too deep. 

The light is very very dim, but it hasn't turned off. Maybe it's optimism, but if I was able to reach that point previously, I have no doubt I can do it again. I may have reached far, but I know how to return. I know I'm able to have an artistic mind without suffer.

 I finally may be ready for my scars to heal. I may still cause some here and there, but I've finally remembered who I am, and what makes me as a person. Hopefully I won't come back here, yet it's still a massive possibility. But there's still hope as long as I am alive and conscious. Everything in this world is a theory, there are uncertainties but that caused many possibilities as well.