Thinking About How Stuff Doesnt Matter (In A Good Way)

heyo!

i was thinking, so now im blogging.

i was tempted to file this under the "Romance and Relationships" category but lets be real, this is not that. Ive never been in any even remotely romantic relationship before.

i knew before leaving high school that what i did wouldnt matter; i mean that in a good way. In the way of, if i embarrass myself or take a chance, that it genuinely wont matter. despite knowing this, I was still scared shitless-- beyond scared shitless-- to do literally anything.

Case in point, the only person ive ever had "a crush" on. 

the run down: four years of high school, a very small school, friend of a friend, super chill and approachable, we had to do a school project ina group together once, very friend-in-law vibes, similar taste in music, nice smile. High school ends. Fin ~

I dont really know why im thinking about this now, but i guess its just that i need to do things. not even about relationships- i dont care about that. 

its just that, there was this super approachable guy i saw frequently for four years that I wanted to talk to, but i was so absolutely terrified of doing anything that might turn out Not The Way I Wanted, that I never even tried.

And, ironically, that scares me. I dont wanna be a person whos scared to live life or do things.

the tldr; life is meaningless and thats actually such a relief. do things and talk to people.

alright laterz 👋