am i dramatic if the pain feels so real?

i'm scary. scary cuz it's been a long time i haven't felt true happiness. a long time things don't excite me anymore, and this... god this is so dangerous! because if you can't find any happiness in you, the things you do... what are you living for?

slowly the suicidal jokes are turning into non-jokes... but my future is so bright, isn't it? i'm just a brat and cry baby, right? RIGHT?! so why does it feel so real?

why does the pain feel so real? why is the act of dying is not so scary anymore for me? why does crying is now part of my daily routine? why did the bright child become the trouble-maker?

i dunno what i did wrong... i did everything right, every single planned step. 

i just wanna leave this fucking place! i can't wait to move out! i hate this city, this country, these people! as taylor said "this place made me feel worthless".

xoxo, V.