Entry #37

just went to the dentist today, my life is nothing but constant misery. ive been having recent pains in my back right molars and i just got the furthest one pulled a few months ago. i needed two fillings on my right canine and the tooth behind it. when my dentist was performing the fillings, the cold water and air being used was hurting my pulled tooth so bad that i almost started sobbing. he had to numb it as well and it barely worked. it is still aching as im typing this, i literally broke down in the waiting room in front of 3 people. i dont even know why im crying so bad, im a man. i shouldnt be so emotional over a toothache. but i guess thats how weak ive gotten. i got prescribed some amoxicillin and codeine and im waiting for my grandpa to come back and get it. i took some ibuprofen and have an icepack on it but its like literally nothing helps. i usually have a high pain tolerance, so im like fucking tweaking out. i genuinely just want to rip my teeth out of my mouth and bash my jaw against a wall and kill myself. it hurts so bad. then the nurse began stroking my hair and gently brushing it out of my face while i was being worked on, and it made me almost cry because i dont remember the last time ive been touched like that and it felt so good. it made me want my mom again. my grandpa just got home with my medicine and got me a monster so i am kind of happy, but even then the pain will not go away. i will forever be tortured by the gods, even in the smallest ways.