9/9/2024

September IX, MMXXIV

It's officially fall and i couldn't be happier; i stepped outside the other day and when the chilly air hit me, i couldn't help but start smiling. Fall has always been such a romantic and beautiful season to me, which i think is why it is my favorite. I'm not sure what all i want to write about yet, but i know i need to. So much has happened within the last few weeks and i only just made my return back to online social media and other things like that. It feels weird to have an audience again, even if its small- the idea of someone reading my most vulnerable thoughts through my blogs makes me feel odd. Anyways, i guess today would be a great place to start in recording and whatever else crosses my mind i can add in. 

Today was a rather relaxed day for me, as i slept in as usual. Sometimes i feel guilty for sleeping so much, i really hope that getting back into all my hobbies like writing and art will occupy more of my time than sleeping has. Last night, Seth had came over to spend the later half of the day with me and i couldn't be more happy. It is so strange to be so certain about someone i have just met, but it feels as if in my soul i have known him always; he feels safe, and like home. I can't write about everything that happened here, but i can say for certain the night has replayed in my head an embarrassing amount. It is insane the way he can get me to react to him, I have never had such chemistry with someone before and it always leads me to wanting more. Enough of that though! 

Less fun, but also notable about today was a situation between me and Eirebelle's family. It really hurt, but I am trying to be mature about navigating the situation. I feel like in responding, all i would be doing is invalidating their feelings to make myself feel better and defending myself; if that is how they feel, despite my intentions, there is nothing I can do to change that. It is hurtful regardless, but all I can do is push past this and focus on myself which I have been trying to do for the past few months.

I like to think I have found a lot out about myself and am slowly learning more ways to improve and continue my journey of self-growth. I do not have many people in my life, but those I do have along with God have done wonders in helping me and supporting me along the way; there isn't enough words to express how much I appreciate the few who have stuck with me through it all. There is much more I need to work through, but journaling and allowing God to take the wheel of situations I can't handle has helped me through so much already that I have no doubt I can get through it.

I guess there isn't as much important things to write about as I thought, or that I can at least remember as of right now; maybe it will come to me later in another entry. I am enjoying listening to music and finding my spot back on this website. I am happy with what I wrote today so I will end it here. :-)