Entry #35

i have been trying to talk more to my friends, but it just isnt working. no one talks to me. what the fuck is this dogshit ass logic. how the hell is not talking to my friends not okay, but when i actually do try its still apparently not okay. IM GONNA FUCKING SHOOT MYSELF IN THE DICK OUT OF ANGER. not actually though. but still, why me god? why cant i just be good enough? i just want to disappear into my room where no one will find me ever again and i can die alone peacefully. let death be kinder than man. but yolo, maybe its because i havent prayed in a while. i love my gods, but its also as if theyre against me sometimes. maybe its because my requests are too selfish. or maybe i just dont believe hard enough. maybe apollo is jealous i had been seeking other gods as well. or maybe the other gods are annoyed because they know i belong to apollo. who knows. maybe im some sick freak that is delusional and thinks gods are real. maybe im just not worth it. i am worth nothing. but i will fix that soon. i promise.