Entry #33

i want to be smart. i want to go to school. i want to have friends. i want to have teachers who help me get through in life. i want to exercise and not be weak. i want to be normal. i dont want to be locked in my house. i dont want to be alone. i want to be loved, to be held, to be cared for. i want to have a family, to have kids of my own that i would take care and treat it better than anyone had ever treated me. i want to prove i can be a better parent than anyone. i want to teach my kid everything i know so they wont make the same mistake i have. i want to be their comfort. i want no secrets. i want them to know i am reliable and i can be trusted. i want to be there. for every baseball game to spelling bee, anything. i want to protect my kid. i want to give my life for my kid. but i dont at the same time. i do not want to bring a life into this world just for my own sake of needing a purpose. i do not want to have my kid be a trophy for me being a good parent. i want to have a kid to have a kid. not to have a purpose.