Broke up with my BF (now ex-boyfriend)

Were we supposed to know from birth on how to not crossed people’s boundaries or did we learn it in school like how we learned how not to be a snitch or is it just impossible for me to not cross a love one’s boundaries. 

It seems like everyone I know in real life knows already or at lest learned it in school, I feel stupid and like I deserve to die for what I did. I pore down all my love for them and now they left me feeling like they stole who I am and what I wanted.

In a relationship I feel and can’t stop myself from touching them such as cuddling, hugging or just holding hands. I thought in a healthy relationship you were supposed to feel good and be okay with being loved in a public setting. 

I can still remember when they first tried to make the hint they liked me romantically by giving me flowers, I don’t want to forget them with a bad memory but I can’t change that.

I want to drown these feelings and I fear cutting won’t work and I can’t get my hands on anything else to help me drown them out. I’m just a major fuck up like a friend said to me, he’s right and that’s maybe because the woman who birthed me was also a fuck up and just as horrible as me.

Believing I’m not like this doesn’t help and I always knew they (my family and the people at the mental health clinic) were wrong and just took sympathy for me because of what happened to my mother.

If I could control myself and my feelings then I might’ve had a chance being normal and healthy but no, life just said make her unstable and feel like they are in the wrong sex and body.