Urges and thoughts.

I've been having some pretty nasty thoughts for years and only recently got a break from them because of an hospital admission and pills but I think the pills aren't working anymore.

I think it might be my fault that they're not working, Everytime I try to talk about what I've been thinking I just can't get a word out. I'm scared of being a further burden if I speak up again, I shouldn't be complaining but I want to be fixed.

As days go by I'm getting increasingly paranoid, I'm scared I'll hurt someone or something will happen to me if I go outside and the same if I stay inside. I'm scared I'll start hearing things again and becoming a recluse doesn't sound bad at all to me.

I've been longing for rest, an eternal one. I've been chasing the feeling of just when you wake up for a few seconds and dose off to sleep again, that calmness that comes from it.