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I need something to believe in without making someone mad, I need something to thank I need something to show gratitude I need to know theres something out there silently guiding me, or atleast I need something to believe is if that makes sense.
It just feels like I need to thank something for the fact I'm alive and no it cant be myself cause....well I'm literally slowly killing myself so thats not gonna work, I dont wanna turn to Christianity again just cause I'd be shunned as a Christian, although it is possible and I always have a church waiting for me when I'm ready sense I had been raised Christian, but I'm still not so sure I wanna go back without trying something else.
I've always admired mother nature and the way she blesses us with her beauty even on stormy days, I even make a mental note to ACTUALLY touch grass just to show her she doesnt scare me and I still think shes breathtaking, although I can go days without leaving my house or seeing even a glimpse of the sun, I could never envision something more beautiful.
Maybe I just need to show more gratitude to the people around me, I've always had a hard time with manners because I was always forced and expected to know them instead of taught and appreciated for using them, so sometime in middle school I just stopped all together and went quite and cold to the adults around me because I believed they didnt deserve it, my dad really doesnt most of the time but maybe if I did show some respect he'd be kinder to me and my brother, I've tried showing him respect before and he was a dick still but he was also doing meth back then so maybe its different, hes like a year and a couple months clean so hes starting to realize when hes gonna lash out atleast, but even then I dont even know the first place to start, I know how to be kind, I know how to give gifts and make people smile but respects always been a mystery, not even something the school phycologist could really explain to me.
Maybe I shouldn't focus on it so much and just live, maybe I should just appreciate the feelings of life instead of whatever being is controlling or creating it, maybe the best thing to praise is life itself, maybe the only way I could ever really show it appreciation is to live in the moment, appreciate more of its smaller beauties again and maybe even try and encourage it to continue, help it grow so I don't end up outliving its beauty.
Sorry this was really more of a ramble then a question or something, but the question is still there, is there anything you guys think I should maybe look into? It cant be something really obvious sense I live in a Christian house hold but seriously anything helps, I might already have solved my own problem by the time anyone responds but thats ok <3
Thank you for taking the time to read<3
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Sky
sometimes you don't need to find a specific religion to thank whatever or whoever is controlling life. just speaking to whatever's out there, no matter who or what it is, can be really freeing. there's a lot of people who don't follow any specific religion, but just pray or talk to a higher power in general. maybe it's a person, maybe it's a thing, maybe it's mother nature, maybe it's space, or maybe it's something we as humans can't even fathom at all. but no matter what it is, you can still talk to it and thank it and know that it's watching over us =]
you dont get to answer my problems online and in real life, pick your poison
(but also thank you and I love you 💜💜💜)
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