mumble

i always try to be transparent with people about how im feeling. i thought that if i made sure he knew i liked him, it would turn out okay, considering he was the one to initiate a lot of things thus far. 

i had never felt so loved as i did with him. in his simple gestures or the way that he would look at me. why did it change so quickly? did i say something wrong? i wish that he would just talk to me. for the first time in so long i felt comfortable in being interested in someone and i hate that this is how it turned out. why wont he just talk to me

it always makes me feel so undeserving. there must be some sort of flaw that keeps me from being in any sort of stable relationship. maybe some immoral thing i did when i was younger that the universe will now hold against me forever. 

im tired of learning. im tired of being a lesson. i just want to love and be loved.