The Day After

Well, the 450mg or so of LSD were very good. I tried to get as many people to join me on the trip and watch Nowhere by Gregg Araki. There was some bisexual shower masturbation James Duval intro to Avalyn by Slowdive that I forgot about. It made everyone uncomfortable and they put on Skyrim music. Which was hilarious. Thank god they did it, I almost dosed everyone and made them watch a Rorschach painting film of every single deep seated issue a person can have. Could say it was DEFINITELY not the vibe. Which when we came back from playing pancake gambling games and drinking soju at ChiChi was sending me and Leo who finished the movie. Was I trying to recreate Climax by Gaspar Noe?

Did I have a threesome or drink fancy cocktails? No, but god damn it I had a great time and I think I out-drank most of everyone while psychoanalyzing the room for fun. Cristina was driving and I was in the passenger's seat and it felt good. I love that woman so much, almost like we should get married or something. I also cried about my survivor's guilt which I can only do on LSD(crying that is). Felt good, I think every troubled man needs to get drunk and wail on his birthday. I realized my stray cat Raskolnikov is an analogue of my dead grandfather I wished I could've saved when I almost forgot to get him inside my house before we left. Felt like fucking Quentin Compson shaking and crying trying to smoke a Japanese blueberry menthol cigarette feeling the dark hand of a forgotten brother whose place I did not take. Spiritually, I felt like I was about to face a firing line like Dostoevsky, but much alike him I was spared. I felt my grandfather's soul reaching out towards the horizon; cold and alone bleeding out in the woods, like I was there. I needed to feel it, I needed to face it, but I needed to let go. Sometimes it's easy to forget you have no control of the world around you, or the very fact that you were born. Nothing to be guilty over. I'm thankfully off until Wednesday, so I'm probably going to drop acid again tomorrow haha. That way I get to play guitar like I wanted to.