friends no benefits

its not that i want (to be) him. i just find myself wishing i could be you. i want our hands to look the same. i want to match the color of your eyes. i want to look at me and know what you think about. maybe its weird. i get that way when im away from home for too long. its just easier to pretend i dont exist when everything i am is you. sometimes it feels like i barely know you (me), like im only looking at your (my) life through shutters or keyholes or tinted windows. like a secret. like getting in a car crash and understanding how bad youve fucked up your life (im still flipped upside down and bleeding, i havent quite figured out how to fix my messes). sorry that my words come from my pen blotchysmudgedincoherent. im on your nerves but never under your skin and i know he doesnt think about any of it when he kisses you.

does he taste like me?