MOVING part 2

Third times the charm? 

Not quite. I wonder if we will sell the house again after the third. WHAT ARE THE ODDS of this HAPPENING again?! 

It did. 

During this time, it was during the winter. The months where most of us struggle with being depressed due to being inside too long because of the colder weather. 

I broke. I cracked. 

Looking back I wish someone would have saved me. I am not gonna lie. Save me. Give me a helping chance. Away from this misery. The big let down just drove me beyond insane and wild and not in a good way. To say the least. 

I remember just putting my head in the snow. Banging my head on the side of the road once. 

Just at lost for words. It felt like there no hope left to give. And if there was any left. It was riding on fumes. The fumes you get when you know your car cant go any further. Slowly about to stop. That was me. 

I think the only thing holding me back from the worst. Was music. 

MY DREAMS. I figured I cant go out like this. I gotta get up and try. I took a much long needed break. Maybe a couple months of more relaxing atmosphere. I did enjoy it. Moving to the "city" if you will taught me a lot too. In time.... I would find out...and here it goes... 

The forth time HAD to be in. 

It was. Thankfully. 

Here we are in the summer of 2017 getting my life slowly back to what I thought at the time was just a different pace. Everything was not so far to get too. Not as hard. 

Everything was a bit more possible. 

Finally the nightmares of selling that HOUSE FOUR TIMES!!! That real estate agent wasn't lying when he could sell anything. He really did not give up on us. 

And honestly before we got him to sell it we tried other real estate agents. 

None could sell it either. From 2008 to 2017 we tried to sell it over the years. So as one would think selling it four times like was a rude time for sure lol. 2017 started off a bit bumpy....but it sure picked up to what I thought was a city but not really. Looking back just has a few more places to go. And the people are what make it, and I only found a few good ones here over the years. 

And I barely keep in touch with a lot of people like Miss K and Mr. Pitt (not brad) lolol 

But man its insane, the huge let downs. 

Going through all these friends (I wrote about it before) 

BTW- trying to think of how I would write this I wanted to wait until I could manage to go deep inside. 

2017 looking back was alright, good times and a lot of bad. Coming here started off slow and good. Which is what I needed for my own mind frame at the time. 

Watching the people made as a friends go down makes me just feel depressed inside knowing what they have become. 


People I care deeply about. People who I counted on lonely depressed days. Friends are there for you during those times and they were. But there life now on the streets just makes me want to scream for them. I miss them. I miss the old them. 

Life as of lately, I had to stop talking to most of them. There are still a few friends mind you I have made over the years that are not into the world spin of addiction. And those friends have let me down too. 

I have no idea what to do anymore even with the friends that don't have addictions. They all have changed, their personality's. I think of all the happy times we would have more care free all of my good friends that were close to me. The ones that didn't have the addictions of Miss K and Mr. Pitt well they are off doing their own thing - no where in sight to be honest. So that's confusing. Sure, I have tried to reach out the select few from my child hood past. And so far only one friend has been there. And we just got to speaking again. She always made me laugh just care free. Talk about whatever. We connected being the only half native kids at our school at the time. 

Going through all this over the years, friend after friend, and honestly I will keep it real with you I am not where I thought I would be.... 

I did a lot in my past that dare I say where "WAIT I DID THAT?" moments. I am starting to get back to that vibe now. THANKFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This is only the HALF of it. 


Oh boy oh boy 2018 was not going to be friendly to me only a couple years of being here I manage to snap. I reached my limit again. This time.....it would be something I needed to get done and take care of. 

A