Stressing abt the future because who tf doesn’t and also, ik im a girl and shit and I’m not against being anything else ( in like a weird internalized homophobia type shit), but I constantly notice how hard I try to be masculine. Like I just labeled it ‘gender-envy’ but the amount of fucking times of tried flattening my chest in the mirror whenever I wear inherently masculine things is slightly concerning. Maybe it’s just because of the clothes I’m trying to wear, but at the same time I think abt being a dude a lot. I dont wanna be one though, and if I were to ever change something abt my gender identity, I would go without labels. Which is kinda hard when everyone around would and is trying to put labels on me.
Another thing, for the people who know me outside of this site, they probably know I really like to garden, bake, preserve and can things, etc. and I’ve always wanted to live the lifestyle where I can maintain all these things. Like actually having my own garden, chickens, and the funds to start that lifestyle. But am I asking for too much to have a non-corporate job, that I actually kinda of enjoy, while also having enough time to maintain a garden, (possibly) chickens, and the funds to buy soil, seed, equipment, jars, etc.? Although maybe a way is to save for 10 years, and buy everything I need. Because the only real issue is time and money ( in the beginning). Time will always be a struggle, but money I only need starting funds.
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