8/21/24 - 5:07 AM

my head is full of mush. i feel far away. the actual me at least. maybe i'm just feeling paranoid and strange right now. i just feel so tired and far away. i wish i didn't get this way, or that i could actually talk about it with my loved ones. i'm dizzy, i never like this feeling. i want to sleep so it'll go away but i'm not very tired. i just want it to go away. i want to be able to be comfortable in these moments but i'm not sure how to.

i guess i'll try and focus on my model kit again. i have a really hard time with the quiet.

even with music it feels so quiet right now. i don't like staying up late because of this. it's only enjoyable if i'm not in the quiet. i don't want to be alone. i'm not comfortable being completely alone anymore. at least when i'm alone in my room during the day, i can message others or hear life outside of my room. but the night is so quiet. i used to not mind it, i used to love it. now it just fills me with dread.

lol. sorry about that. i'm going to watch dexter or something and work on my model kit. music isn't helping right now.

bye.