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I kinda understand that my view of friendship is egoistic and some kind of selfish but i feel like i dont need it other way. There is actually no point for me to be with someone if they place me as 3rd or 6th among their other friends. No point for me to be then cause no one is going to do that for me. Im feeling so sick. Im a real freak or just another edgy teen fuck?
Maybe i am like this because im few years younger than my other classmates and we have absolutely nothing in common or themes to talk about. I went to school at 5 yo after kindegarten...im so emberrassed remembering all the world cringest stuff i did and they know it. Im not bullied or anything...Im a ghost. I hear everything, i see everything, im silent. Thats why my social skills are shit, heh.................................
Im too damn scared to even comment and talk to ppl online EVEN at anonymous sites. I know i kno nothing and will be called names or just openly recieve aggression. I cant say why im feeling this, its almost like im scared to be.
Im ashamed to talk about things i like, things i do and enjoy, things that makes me sad and extinguished, drained and completely numb because here starts endless storm of what-if's. I want to be better, to know more, to prove...to prove what? to who? idk////
as if the moment i start thinking and zone in reality i wish i never did it. Better to feel nothing and think about nothing than this........
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Raymond
Tbh I lowkey relate, I ain’t anyone’s #1, which I’m fine with it’s whatever but I can’t call anyone my best friend bc nobody feels the same way
and I’m friends with a lot of gangster wannabes so I can’t say some stuff I like, and omg talking to other people irl and online used to be so difficult for me, it still is sometimes (i ain’t a convo starter and I blame covid lmao) but js being confident, and having a topic to talk abt helps a ton
Yeah it thousands times easier to talk while having atleast one hobbe\interest in common. But there isnt actually a lot of people who share the same interests with me...but i hope you have or will :) Gangsta wannabes? Damn, i wonder how these ppl even got a want to become gangster... Maybe they just want to be rappers? To rap about drugs and girls? Degradation is near... Both is bad haha. tbh its first time i got a comment and reply to it. Wish you do well <3
by Kathaarn; ; Report
Hey let’s be friends :D I’m sure we’ll have similar interests, and if not it’s still fun to talk to people!
by Raymond; ; Report