My problems with flowers and satanic whispers

In today's episode of watching the mental downfall of a young adult, I will tell yuns of my flowers and their fall. Fairly recently, my wife has demanded me to go outside at night and make a sacrifice or something. She keeps whispering it in my ear like a creep. No idea what goats have to do with it at all! Since I love her soooo much, I decided to indeed do that and I sacrificed my time to attempt to grow some flowers. She was always a great flower fan so it's so worth it. Yeah I do garden a bit but mind you I only have ever grown foodstuffs so I know little of flowers, but these are both plants that are alive and stuff. How hard can it be? My thought process here didn't seem as flawed at first. Well it wasn't the greatest outcome in practice. For starters, the flowers I got were actually a stubborn breed apparently. I picked the cool looking ones and paid the price. They also only ever bloom in the morning for some stupid reason. What kind of flower just picks when to awaken? These things are super high maintainence, that's for sure. They can get over it though because I decided to plant them in a recycled milk carton to start off with. Yeah nothing fancy, just what I had around. I like to reuse my stuff, so what??? The universe gave me a good punishment though because that carton started to break into pieces after a few weeks or so. These stupid flowers grew really fast. Like way faster than I thought. Lusamine will not be happy about this! I had to act rather quickly here so I pulled them back out and jammed them into some wet dirt. They was falling apart in my hands, what else do I do? Put them up in a countryside Scottish Cottage all cute and secure? I aint rich. Besides, even in real dirt they still sucked. They started to grow up the side of my house and root themselves in my window. Yeah this is not sustainable so I once again must move them. This time I put them in an open hole, pretty deep! Took a good half hour to dig, I was a prepared lady. No way this can go badly, right? Nah nah nah wrong so wrong. They got root bound in a few weeks. This plant clearly just doesn't feel like living. Mother of my butt these flowers are just like me. I felt bad for the poor things, so I eventually gave it to my grandpa who is way more green thumbed than I am. He casually took them in like the nice guy he could be. Came back like today to pick up some jam and the thing was literally prospering. Against my expectations, my wife is satisfied for some reason nonetheless! She stopped whispering in my ears to commit crimes and injure others so I'll call it a happy ending!   

-Lusamines Dirty Concubine