Miss my OLD friends, let me explain

Never did I think that some of the few little childhood friends would basically leave me stranded in the dark, I know I know, do you ever talk about anything besides barking? Let me say something first, I am going through a tougher time right now. And sometimes talking about it really does help and the people around me who are no longer friends cant really gab to them about it. 

If you are still here. Hear me out..the childhood friends I remember and times have changed and they have moved on in other areas, and perhaps their moving on in other areas is the downfall of their once used to be fun personality. 

Realizing the different directions we are going makes me sad to some major actually extent. 

Knowing a big part of me, is done, cannot be friends with people that dont evolve or heck not even that, aren't even supportive as a friend. People like that time to cut the friendship loose and basically cherish the memories I did have with them. And knowing their is no way to rekindle those memories really breaks my heart. Really. 

Sadly, they have changed so much my childhood friends that it makes me sad. Very sad. Looking back at the once fun full of life people to just worn down and not on my team anymore. 

People's lack of everything gets them down, heck I know it does me. But no reason to ignore me, disrespect me when all I am asking is for your friendship. That is it. Nothing more, nothing less. I guess when it comes to the childhood friends I was really counting on them to pick me and lift my spirits. They bring back such great memories of a better time in general. And in the back of my head I thought "they are only going to get more fun with age" LOL! Boy, was I f-ing wrong. TO AN EXTENT. 

All my childhood friends have family's and kids. Something I have not done and really for awhile never had the desire until the last couple years maybe. But because of that its hard to relate to me, I am the odd one out maybe. Single. No kids. And they cant relate to me....anymore. Maybe a part of them realizes I can do things and not be tied down like them. And it is hard to even connect with them now. I am at a place in my life where I want to have fun and hangout with people and make new friends not have the "Oh can my kids come over too?". Sorry, no lol! 

This is just a shred of me covering the tragic events if you will. LOL. It only gets worst. 

I will give people nickname's so I am not totally throwing all their personal details under the bus lol! 

This is all just an opinion by the way. 

But the couple I did fall back on have changed so much personality wise, life. That a big part of me knows its not gonna be like the good ol' days. Even if I wanted it too! Every friend I have met, has changed. To some degree. Some even worst. Some became addicts and it blows me away because after I ventured out making new friends outside of my childhood circle. I made new friends to discover how making friends can actually just be mental draining. And mostly sad and deep down depressed. Watching the people I come to know be a total different versions of themselves has not be a joy in the slightest. Some sure, the not good ones, more mean ones. But some that I truly cared about. After I mingled outside of childhood friends I got to know more people as I got older. I think this is what I meant by it only gets worst. 

Deep down, I am very lonely. Craving new friends. New people. With perhaps dare I say good attitudes or heck even fun. 

Not one friend out of all the friends, out going people I have met or made friends with. Are now. Lost touched with reality to the point. It makes me really sad and lonely inside. These are my people I counted on and looked up to for friendship and strength and watch it disappear into thin air has not be a treat. Sometimes I look at my surroundings or look at my phone and go who can I call? 

No one. 

I am really trying to figure out the best way to explain this. 


2016 I started to make new friends, it almost felt like the college days I maybe missed considering the group of people I was hanging out. Fun. It was a riot hanging with them. 

Now everyone I know has turned to some sort of addiction. 

You name it, they do it. Seeing the people I once knew and love. Live on the street. Doing things you basically could never imagine them doing. 

I could not type some of the things they do. But its sad, I think you get the picture when it comes to addiction and them living on the streets. 

F...I am lonely. I sure miss them. Being able to call them. 

They are so far gone. From reality and just living life in general, most of them do not even own a phone. And if they did, I am not sure I would be now, in the biggest rush to get a hold of them. Although from time to time I do say hi to them in person but keep it at that. Its a bad memory looking at them going "shoot you used to be so full of life. We used to be so tight as a friends, now here you are on the street" Makes me sad, angry inside. That all the people I knew ever knew. My life in general. The people I know or should I say knew are different. I cant hangout with them now because of their addictions and issues. 

The last couple months I have really really been depressed. Knowing their is not one. Not one person I can call up and be like "Hey, what are you doing? Want to hangout" 


I know what you are thinking.....there is more to this story. 

I really only covered just the outline if you will on the story. Not talking about how I got to know these amazing people and where we all started off to friends to where we are now. 

I really want to get into it sometime. Really take you in depth on really how I went from having a wide variety of friends to losing them to addiction slowly. It is all I can think about. How sad I am with this subject. 

Because we all went from being in each other lives daily. To barely seeing each other. Some of them I do not even know if they are off the streets or if they are even okay, as they sell their phones and do not even have one now. 


Everything I knew is gone. The once happy picture I look back now. The new updated picture of this subject is gloomy and dark and not as many amazing people in it. 

I miss the old them, even my childhood friends too. 

It has been quite a depressing shhh show getting rid of them slowly. Or not even that at times getting rid of them, cant reach them, dont know where they are then mix that with them getting back to me whenever. Hard to maintain a loyal friendship with those vibes. 

Thank you for listening. I am still very hopeful about the friends in the future I just choose more carefully. Pay way more closer attention with my eyes and ears and really go "are you gonna be a true friend to me? Time will show" which it always does. But some people have been good though (The very few! LOL) have been good and loyal and sticking around and do not have any addictions. And they live hours away from me and sadly we are losing touch more and more because of their actions. Not me. NOPE! I know I am a loyal supportive friend. 


Legit some of them (some of my friends not all) are maybe not worth keeping up with anymore. Because when I do it just depresses me. Thinking of the old them to who they are now. Run down. Mean. When all I can remember is good times. 

My one buddy lets call him Mr. Pitt. He was such a loyal, supportive great friend.. Always wanting to watch an old VHS with me. Came over everyday in the morning to bring me a juice drink (Arizona watermelon drinks every morning) and would bring some Mary Jane and actually be one of the few people to randomly surprise me with being so nice. One person I always enjoyed talking too. And whenever we came into a problem we solved it together like friends. Well more so him, he kinda would always save the day if you will. Now lets say F33ty Wap is his big idol now...:( 

Seeing him go from this amazing guy. To on the streets nodding out. Barely keep his eyes open. Get rail thin. Makes me sad and damn angry. I think damn what happened to the dude that used to love coming over and watching Drew Berrymore's Poison Ivy. He saw that once one time with me and would always ask to re-watch it if he was spending the night. He was a horror fan and that one really stuck with him. He went to jail and then was clean in their. Then got back out and we know how that goes. 

Also Miss Kay I would love to get into my next chapter. 

Just as wild, sad and of course makes me angry. Another person I counted on as a friend. Gone to the world of addiction. 


Looking back at all this, like I probably said for the 100th time. Looking back at all theses facts at hand really, really make me sad. They were all I knew. And now, I have to start over again with new friends? 


I do not think I have the energy nor does my heart want to invest that time to be let down like the past aka above all my rants. lol 

One day, I hope in my heart the people I counted on. Get some help. Because heck ever since they gone downhill I have been very much alone. 

Again, we will get into Miss Kay next time. 


With love, 

A