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I've been cryin' for 3 days over this. Nobody is gonna read this but to put it simple, just imagine working on something everyday for this summer for the past 3 hours over and over and over again grinding, practicing the fundamentals, boxes, lines, perspective, drawabox, whatever. And then getting someone to say your goals aren't achievable, or you're getting too ahead of yourself and you shouldn't be working on the Loomis method but on specifically boxes and now gesture drawing this entire time. I swear to God, I can't put into words how lost I feel in art right now. I'm at a point where I don't think anyone, and I mean ANYONE in art or just in this world can truly understand how I feel because even I can't put it into words. I know that sounds narcissistic, but anytime I try to explain they just don't get it. I understand art is repetitive; you practice, you do bad, you get better, etc. I'm not even going to explain how many years I've been drawing because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how many years you've been drawing, but rather how many hours you can put in by practicing. But to hit so many roadblocks like this, changing plans, figuring out, or fearing what else you might be doing wrong is just a stab in the heart. I am passionate about this, no doubt, but at one point, when am I finally going to figure out this isn't for me? Imagine how much time and how much of my youth I wasted worrying about this. I want to be good; I do; I try not to compare myself to others, especially, but the more roadblocks I hit, the more annoyed and...resentment I feel towards others who are better. I'm getting salty now, and I don't think that's good; I'm just angry at myself for why I can't just be good at all; it's frustrating. I know I can't be like the AP drawing students at my school, or how I can't make 300 dollars off of selling my art for the art market like that kid at my school because I don't have the skills as much as the other students have. But, oh my God, it's excruciating. I've read the books Andrew Loomis, George Bridgeman, Micheal Hampton, Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, and Perspective Made Easy, and I STILL get it wrong. Why is it just me? Like is this karma? Nobody went through this, I swear to God because NOBODY can relate to me because I haven't met 1 person that can. They all say "Oh just try!" I AM TRYING, what am I supposed to do?
It hurts deeply. Considering I'm almost an adult and my youth has been wasted on art and worrying about my future rather than finally making friends so I can have some or at least just one or going out like how normal kids will saddens me a lot. Now I'll have to get a full-time job in a year, not having any adventures with any friends in my youth or anything like that. My youth was just filled by being a shut-in and worrying about my future. Maybe art just isn't for me, then what is? I don't have anything to value myself in than this, to be honest.
It isn't about my drawing, or the critique, or anything like that. I'm just upset about the growth and how it's becoming more of a chore than a hobby. Oh? "JuSt hAVe fUn WiTh iT :)"? It's really hard to have fun with something when the thing that you WANT to do you can't DO IT unless you learn 100 other things. THIS is how art is, it isn't all sunshine and rainbows it's literally emotional pain that you have to go through, and hope to God that you'll make sense of it or find out you were just wasting your time while everyone else is ahead of you.
It's easy to say, "Oh, you'll get there," or "All art journeys are different," but it's hard to block out the thoughts of you just probably sucking at it. But not in a sense of "EvERyOnE SuCKs aT aR-" no. Like in the sense of, "This wasn't made for you; try again." Trying to learn how to draw the head? Oh, you gotta learn the Loomis method; it's good for beginners, but no, now you gotta learn the skull, but NO NOW you gotta learn perspective. WAIT, DON'T TELL ME! NOW I gotta learn boxes! Now I have to figure out how to draw a box from all angles and perspectives so I can get a better understanding of space! BUT NO! YOU DONT HAVE TO LEARN BOXES ITS TOOOO ADVANCED!!
I hate art so much.
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igor
i would ask yourself if u still want to draw. if yes then keep on drawing & making art. unfortunately in all things growth isn't linear. At times u take 5 steps foward, and other times u take 20 steps back. but at the end of the day its ur journey. ur allowed to mourn in your miniscule progression & process ur feelings of wasted youth but man u still have time to get good. Tbh its probably gonna take u awhile to get hella good or maybe ur get hypertalented in a year and become super cracked at art, either way the time is still going to tick. and while we are wired for some things & skills it doesn't mean that if u arent you cant reach to the upper echelons of artistic skill.
Tomo I am a aspiring writer & at times it feels like I am not meant to write & I will never be a great writer, thoughts of wishing i had started early & doubts of whether I was born to write linger anytime I try to write, but i realized that time is gonna tick regardless of if the thoughts abt myself r true. its not a matter of if the journey toward artistic mastery is fair but if its worth the sacrifice & time put in & we make that judgement daily.
so bro i would advise dont be a starving artist but dont put pressure on yourself cos ur growth isnt growthing like u think it should.
art is a iterative practice. u brainstorm, create, revise until u have something ur happy with.
maybe when ur 80 and still drawing ill see u in the news buut until then keep drawing.(or not idk)
- igor out
Yeah…I still want to draw...it's really the only "talent" I have, so I either force myself or I swallow the doubt and brace myself. My mind just spirals because like I said before, that all art journeys are different blah blah blah but to the point where you haven't met someone with the same problems or at least similar problems as you makes you look so dumb. Like, do you know how many times when someone asked me to see some of my art and all I have is fundamental practice? 99% of the time the artist will give me like a highly detailed drawing they label as a "sketch" (I swear just to piss you off) and they have to act that they like my fundmental drawings like no you dont lol. And yeah I know, I try to be realistic for myself, I know this isn't going to take me a couple months or half a year to figure out but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that's left behind. I'll try to take a quick break from art for a second just to wrap my mind around it and figure out what I should work on, again. But thanks for replying, man hopefully I do continue to draw until I'm 80 kek
by ☆Tomotoru07☆; ; Report
Isaac
I know it is tough when you try again and again with no progress. But you can't avoid places like this, I won't repeat what you've heard but from my own personal experience with art sometimes you just have to step away for a bit. Stop fixating on breaking yourself to pieces because you don't like it. It's hard to stop. But I mean look at you know versus when you first started, or even just a week before. Every art piece you make you improve with **something**. Art has no boundaries or rules, if you feel like something isn't working for you that everyone else does, then try something else! You've already come a long way, and you probably will go even further. Take a break if you feel like you try with nothing to show for it, look at it with fresh eyes not to criticize it but to love it, love how far you've come, cherish the fact you create.
Thanks for the reply...I do feel like I should just take a couple days to relax to be honest. I'm more hesitant on taking a break because school is starting back up and I just want at least something to show that I'm a bit proud of and not just stupid fundamental drawings that nobody is gonna find interesting. It's really hard to find a method or something that works or sticks, that can take weeks. The only thing that's backing me up is drawabox and that's just blind hope that I can get the information theyre teaching me into my brain. Sometimes I just don't get it, the kids at my school don't seem to struggle as much, but I do. It's just hard to know if i can take this, especially since I'm young and I could just be wasting my time, I heard it's hard to make a living from art I guess. I just don't wanna be stuck at working at McDonald's my entire life if you get what I'm saying. But yeah, I'll definitely take a couple days off at least.
by ☆Tomotoru07☆; ; Report