I think I'm scared

You have no idea how quickly time passes until you hit your second decade on this earth. It's only been a few months (well, one month) and it is already getting to me, to be honest. 

A few months back I had posted about how I am failing my future, because I was consuming media instead of actually studying for exams. let me tell you, I indeed did horribly. Not only exams, but also my tasks and overall attitude. I wish I could tell why, but even I don't know exactly what is wrong with me.

I don't know how to put in the effort, I don't even think I want to. Not for selfish reasons, or because I'm lazy. I do realize that. I think I am really tired. 
This summer I have  subjects that I need to retake exams for or remake tasks for. My days are blending so hard into each other that from having one month until I have to do it, i now have maybe one week left until the exams. I don't want to put effort into it.

To be truthful, I have completely given up. I don't want to study. I just don't want to. I have given it lots of thought, don't think I am just saying that in the heat of the moment or because of the pressure I am feeling. 

I think I want to just... live. I see no point in living if I can't feel alive. College has drained me. It doesn't bring me a sense of fulfilment. I just want to live. I want to go to work, finish it and then go home without this heavy weight, lurking on my shoulders day by day. The weight of feeling like I need to do so much to feel valid, to feel like I am making anyone proud or proving myself by numbers I simply can't care for anymore. 

I decided I want to quit and I think I am scared. When I was younger I always wanted to be the perfect example of a human, finish high school, get higher education and a good paying job, then starting my own family, watching my children do the same.
But now I know that I am not the perfect example of a human. I'm tired. I'm tired and I can't get myself to do more than simply live.