Changes in my life - let's catch up.

...well, it's been a few months.
In the course of these few months, priorities have constantly shifted.

I lost a best friend that I made over the course of last year. We met in a Minecraft event through a mutual friend in December 2022, but we grew close within the next month. She was like a older sibling to me, but as more things came to light and my mental health deuterated things turned for the worse.

As in - I still wonder if she will ever understand what happened.

Will she ever know what led to the "NYE blowup of 2023". (Which I only recently found out was dubbed as such. Fire name btw.) Will she ever admit that "drama-free" is just conflict avoidance. That her ignorance to the problems that evolve around her is only a result of her own actions.

Either way, when I realized (or feared) the friendship needed to end, my frankly manic behavior turned towards the people around me. Despite my best efforts to deny it I realized I had very few true friends. The people I cherished did not love me at my lowest, how could they? I never let them.

The Sunflower Crew was never for me. It is built on dishonesty for the sake of avoiding "drama". Talking about members behind others back instead of honest communication.

As much as I continue to try and move on, I think about my former friend often. I tried reaching out however I never received a response. I reverted to a shallow, dishonest, and fake facade of myself. Flirting with stranger on the internet for attention and putting myself in some dangerous situations.

...it didn't help of course. Behind every corner was a reminder of my former friend. Bringing back all those memories that I missed dearly. My depression began to manifest as auditory, presence, and even on occasion visual hallucinations. I did my best to drown these thoughts in stolen liquor and medication. I thought I wasn't good enough, that I was broken, as well as other thoughts that I won't get into at this time. Maybe not ever, if I can help it. 

After the dissatisfaction I felt from gaming, I was about to leave the internet until I randomly stumbled across a group of lovely people while intoxicated. I decided to talk to them, and haven't regretted it since.

At the first conversation, I made immediate friends with four people: 2 of which were female and 2 was male. We all instantly chatted and ended up bar hopping the rest of the night together. That repeated for a few Fridays. I eventually got an invite to they're discord and became a (if a little distant) member of their little community.

For some reason, I decided to reach out to a old friend, there was a rekindling of friendship between us, and it felt as if no time had passed. My nights of mingling with strangers over the internet has slowly created lasting friendships. I found people who wanted to be friends with me because of my flaws, not despite. Together, they all pulled me out from the murky waters of my insanity and worked on keeping me warm and sane on the boat as they called for help. They even have started to mingle about each other, and found a way to peacefully exist together.

These past few months, I've managed to create the building blocks for happiness, hanging out with people who I like and vice versa, working on bettering myself, reconnecting with family, studying, and officially enrolling in college. There were people breaking up, people making up, and I even had the pleasure of witnessing a blossoming romance between two close friends. Hell, I find myself in a new relationship. (but I won't gush about her to much here)

What I find myself shocked, however, are people wanting to spend time with me. To the point where it can be over whelming. Not once in my life have I felt so loved and wanted. 

I've tried out new things in life and find myself thriving in an environment where I feel loved and supported by the people around me.

(It was to the point where I even felt content and happy. I rare thing for me.)

I am thankful for Disy, Fuji, Envy, Sylvar, Sky, MoutainCowz, Lozian, Minnows, Xzylan, SavageBeauty, and Luna my lovely girlfriend - they've been keeping me afloat when I was drowning.

As summer turns to fall. I find myself excited for the future.

NOTE: As you can probably tell if you read the original from Nikka, this is a parody of sorts to her blog post. Giving a life update post ending of our friendship. This is an admittedly petty post. Originally it was a lot more brutal but I toned it down because despite out differences, Nikka is a good person and was a good friend to me. I also skipped over lots of events and lots of people due to the fact that it has been a lot longer than 3 months at this point, and I only recently discovered her post.
Anyways Nikka if you are reading this, your blog post broke my heart. I feel so guilty that I was responsible for so much hurt in your life. However I am so happy to see you doing well, I hope things have continued to go well for you, and that you don't take this little petty post to personally.