16 Days of Doubt

16 Days Before My First Day of High School

I don't know what to do.
I'm scared—what if they think I'm weird?

I want to be prepared, but what if it's always
my stupid mind torturing me?

What if I just be myself?
What if they think being myself is weird?
What if I don't end up making friends?
What if I mess up and fail high school,
becoming a failure to my family?
What if they end up hating me?
What if the teachers hate me, and the principal too?

I know I'm very bad at math.
What if something happens and I fail the class?
What if I become the only child to not graduate?

Why, why, why—get out of my head, please!

I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

Please make it stop... get out of my head, please, I beg of you.

But then, a thought whispers softly:
What if it's not so bad?
What if I find friends who see me for me,
who laugh at my jokes, and share their fears?
What if I stumble, but get back up,
stronger each time, learning to trust in myself?

What if the teachers are kind,
and the principal smiles?
What if math is hard, but I find a way,
with help, with effort, with time?

What if my family loves me,
no matter my grades?
What if they believe in my dreams,
and cheer me on, every step of the way?

What if high school is a journey,
with ups and downs, but worth every mile?
What if I discover that I'm braver than I knew,
stronger than I believed, and capable of so much more?

what if?

poem based on me