love life: uptade

I want to scream and yell and blow up.

so I already made a blog about my love life but I didn't explain anything :/

so almost a month ago I met someone when I visited the big city with my friend (we met through her) he was very flirty and we both talked about our life and past relationships and partners for like two hours.

I've never been in a real relationship. more like almost a relationship that could go further but I decided to leave since I felt really bad in. but i dont think this is the case now.

were still have contact but it is just not it. 

has much different than me in so many things. first of all. he already was in a serious relationship and he knew what do to or how to act (not like me who barely had her first kiss). when I'm meeting someone first it's so much harder for me to open up and be normal like I would me like I'm with my friends already, especially when I find interest in this person but he's like were already know each other. also, he is more of a party guy who goes clubbing with his huge friend group and kisses random girls kind of guy. when I was only at one party in my life and probably never will soon.

I know we're not in the same league, I look at him sometimes and think in my head "I will never get to be with him, for real. I'm gonna get hurt and cry so bad about him."

He like the kind of guys I would see on vacations or in public and be like "My god he's so cute, I want to talk with him so bad". it's not like I'm extremely shy around new people but sometimes I think about it too much and I'm stressing over nothing. I'm stressed about making a fool of myself when in reality I didn't do something so bad. maybe I'm just too hard on myself and I don't allow myself to even like someone, not even date.

but maybe I'm just delusional, what I don't look at is that I had opportunities to have a relationship but I just didn't take them for some reason. after all, this is all from god, I believe in the sentence  

"A man hath joy in the answer of his mouth; And a word in due season, how good is it!" which says what I say meant for me. will be mine at the right time. 

maybe this is really not the right time for both of us, idk what is happening in his personal life but I'm sure there's a lot.

I want to believe god has big plans for me and will never give up on me. its just kinda sad that I have to go through all this knowing the consequences