should i......?

im really debating if i should sort of.... cut off my parents when im older. i told someone about some of the things my parents had said and they asked me if i wanted to cut them off when im older. i used to think that all this fighting, all this anger, this saddness in my house started from covid and would end when covid was done. but its been 4 years and.... things only seem to be getting worse. and... i kind of feel like i dont even love my parents anymore. i feel like im afraid of them. sure, they could change once im older. but i have i feeling once im out of the house they'll be more angered by me. they could say i need to come back and help out. sometimes i think when im older the trauma would set in and i wouldnt be able to go back. i dont think thats normal. there is something seriously wrong with my entire family. not just becuase my younger siblings are disabled and yell, scream, hit people and destory objects.  but becuase my parents endlessly argue over my siblings, yell at each other and whenever i glance and see their messages its always so sad and awful. becuase whenever my parents message me its 90% something theyre mad at me over. becuase during hells week i was verbally berated and and accused of being a liar and lying to my friends and connecting "invisible dots" and destroying a "perfectly normal friendship" and that i did it for attention. because my mum has never apologised for anything shes done to me. becuase my parents are so.... uncomfortable, about my own identity. becuase whenever mum gets angry at me over something small i did im expected to forgive her to "clear the air". becuase two of the biggest traumatic incidents in my life were caused by them. becuase ive been told that being an adult is awful and that your dreams never work out. becuase ive been told that im overreacting and that theres nothing wrong with my family. becuase my dads estranged brother left the family and maybe thats a sign. becuase... theyre so off..

but at the same time, theres so many good things theyve done. at least my dad apologises, fixes arguments and hugged me when i was depressed. my mum sent kind messages on my saddest days last year. weve had funny jokes with them. becuase they gave me my cat, and a semblence of an early happy childhood. but i feel like theyve done so much bad. even if they apologised i feel like they would end up doing everything agian. if i shared myself and my story with the world like i want in my biggest dream , they would probably think im twisting it and making them seem like terrible people and that no one else would understand becuase they dont know their life. and i know they could do something like that, BECAUSE THEY HAVE. so, i dont know. i guess only time will tell whats going to happen. i dont expect much good though.